


Six Feet!!

by PolkaDotDragon



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Because I headcannon Stiles as supernatural catnip, Because I like to make Stiles squirm, Boyd is a gift, Coronavirus AU, Creeperwolf Peter Hale, Don't believe anything that comes out of Peter's mouth, Gen, Humor, Pandemic - Freeform, Sourwolf Derek Hale, This pack meeting is not going how Derek wanted it to, hints of Sterek, hints of Steter, social distancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24060535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PolkaDotDragon/pseuds/PolkaDotDragon
Summary: When Derek calls a pack meeting, he does not get what he expected. Maybe he should have been following the human news?AKA humorous pack meeting amidst the coronavirus crisis.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 62





	Six Feet!!

**Author's Note:**

> I have finished grad school and since everything is shut down I have nothing better to do than write the ridiculous fic ideas that come to mind. Hope you enjoy!

As usual, Stiles was the last one to arrive to the pack meeting. By the time Derek heard him coming down the hall he was already annoyed.

“Stiles. You’re late. Again.” Derek spoke just loud enough to be heard by a human through the loft’s open door.

“Well excuuuse me, sourwolf! Sorry I can’t bound across the town with my butt up in the air like the rest of you puppies!”

“You!” Derek’s eyes flashed red as Stiles slunk into the loft. With a mask on. And gloves. And carrying a large container of Clorox wipes on top of his laptop. “Stiles.” Derek’s eyebrows scrunched up.

“Oh, l can carry that – ” Isaac tried to offer, but when he approached Stiles, the human flailed backwards, only keeping the Clorox from the floor by hugging it to his chest.

“Six feet!!!”

“What?” Isaac gave Stiles a hurt look.

“Have none of you been keeping up with the CDC?! Social distancing measures are to stay six feet apart! And we’re supposed to stay-at-home! I shouldn’t even be here!”

The wolves just stared. Finally, Derek opened his mouth. “Stiles.” The alpha stalked towards Stiles. “We’re werewolves. We don’t get sick.”

“I can!!” Stiles kept moving backwards, leading to a strange circle of the loft. “Are you trying to give me the Corona!?!”

“Stiles.” Derek growled.

Stiles looked over at Allison. "And you're human too! Where is your mask?!"

"Stiles."

“And what if I bring something home to my dad!? He’s vulnerable! He has a heart condition!”

“Stiles…” Scott was giving him a skeptical look, “I thought that had just been an episode of acid reflux?”

“He had chest pain!”

“Oh my” Derek groaned as Peter’s voice drifted down from the second floor. “Are we having a party?” Peter’s eyes slid between the members of the pack. Derek, Scott, and Allison all glaring while Erica smirked. Boyd looked as indifferent as ever and Lydia pretended Peter wasn’t there, pulling out a bottle of nail polish (The wolves hated the smell. No one ever said she wasn’t petty). Stiles, meanwhile, …

“Oh it’s creepy uncle Peter.”

Peter’s lips curled into his signature smirk. “You want to call me Uncle?” The way his eyes looked up and down Stiles’ body left no room for interpretation.

Scott shot to stand in front of his best friend. “You!”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Really children…”

“Ugh. Do you really not see anything wrong between the last two things you said?” Lydia’s murmurs were quite but easily heard by all the werewolves. Allison buried her face in her hands. Boyd drifted out into the kitchen.

Peter continued as if she hadn’t said anything. “…Don’t you know were not supposed to gather in groups?”

“Thank you!” Stiles threw his hands in the air. Considering one was holding his laptop and the other the Clorox box, it looked quite comical.

“Well, I suppose the fact that Stiles is the only one of you with intelligence is hardly news.” Stiles crowed in victory while the rest of the pack shot Peter dirty looks. Peter meandered down the spiral staircase. “We need to be conscious of those who are in a vulnerable position during this pandemic.” Now the pack was giving him skeptical looks. _Rude_ , Peter thought. “As someone who has spent 10 years burned and catatonic in a nursing home…”

“Oh my god.” Stiles continued to be amused at how Derek manages to get growl into everything he says. And look so attractive doing it. Stiles had _dreams_ about that growl. “Peter, get out!”

“So you don’t want to know which creature perfectly matches the deaths that have been occurring? My mistake.” Peter turned as if to go back up the stairs.

“Peter!” Derek snarled. Peter turned back with obviously fake obsequious smile.

“What deaths?” Isaac questioned. “I thought we were here about the witch who keeps cursing away people’s underwear?”

“How is this our life?” Allison groaned. Lydia patted her on the shoulder, careful not to let her wet nails touch Allison’s hair. Boyd calmly passed Allison a cup of hot chocolate, getting a quick smile in return.

“We need to keep our eyes out for a white creature.” Peter crossed his arms.

“Can you be more specific!?” Stiles bounded closer to Peter, while still maintaining 6 feet of distance. “Are there teeth? Claws? Tentacles!?!” On the other side of the room, Erica and Isaac happily accepted their hot chocolates from Boyd as well.

“A horse, more specifically.” Peter continued as if Stiles had not spoken. “Whose rider carries a bow with a rotting crown.”

“What? That sounds really weird.” Scott grumbled. “And what deaths?”

“Oh my god.” Stiles quickly wiped down a side table before setting his laptop and Clorox down so he could bury his face in his hands. Everyone ignored him.

“Really Scott, how have you survived to 17?” Peter snarked. “Don’t you watch the news?”

“This is not the apocalypse!” Stiles exclaimed.

“Are you sure?” Peter glanced over at him. “There’s been a plaque of locusts in East Africa.”

“The horseman on the white horse was clad in showy and barbarous attire…” Lydia recited in monotone while she applied another coat of nail polish to her thumb. Allison passed her the bottle of top coat.

“… while his horse continued galloping, he was bending his bow in order to spread pestilence abroad,” Peter finished. Everyone but Lydia and Stiles started at him with confused faces. “Vinvente Blasco Ibanez. 1916. Do none of you read?”

“Wait, is the apocalypse actually happening?!?” Stiles was starting to breathe faster. He stared at Peter with wide eyes. Peter bemoaned that the mask covered Stiles’ delicious looking lips and moles. “I’m not prepared!”

“No!” Derek threw his hand up in the air. Stiles’ eyes couldn’t help but follow his muscles. “Don’t believe Peter’s nonsense! He used to pull this kind of shit all the time.” He turned to glare at his uncle, his eyes glowing alpha red . “Enough!”

Peter’s blue eyes flashed back. But he raised his hands beside his head. “Aw nephew. You ruin all my fun.”

Stiles groaned and crouched down, burrowing his face in his arms.

Derek approached Stiles cautiously. “Are you alri – ”

Stiles scrambled backwards. “Six feet!!!!”


End file.
